Elricest fic: "The Process"
Aug. 23rd, 2005 02:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shiomeElricest fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kaltia's contest.
Title: The Process
Warnings: Spoilers for the end of the series. Lame fluff in the end.
Contest category: 2, long – non smut
Themes: Leaving, Faith.
Word count: 2153.
Thanks to wonderfulchiharu_octavia who beta-ed this and to felflowne who read it first.
The Process
To leave everything behind was something they had already done once, sealing their decision in fire and ashes.
They had taken a difficult path, one that brought fear and anxiety, hurt and discomfort.
They'd lost everything. Mother, arms, legs, body.
They had fought to get them back.
Then, so close to their goal, they'd lost again. Memory, alchemy, time and space.
Ed had lost his own world, thrown in a different place he had to slowly adapt to. All alone.
Al had lost his memories, invisible things that maybe an alchemist could create, but which were the very foundations of who he was.
And most importantly, he had lost his brother. In other words, he had lost his own world as well.
But starting from scratch had always been their way, even if had not been their choice.
Fighting his way through the Gate had been hell. Dragging his brother through it had been worse.
But he had won. He had won and now everything was as it was supposed to be. Knowing that he had managed to get his memories, and his Ed, back without giving anything in exchange, was something he would be proud of for the rest of his life.
If he had been Edward, he would have struck a ridiculous victory pose and yelled something along the lines of "Fuck you all, worthless vermin! I DID IT! Touka-koukan my ASS!"
But since he was sweet, kind-natured Alphonse, he just pondered, "I don't know whether equivalent trade exists or not. But they say exceptions prove the rule."
There was plenty of time. Yet, he couldn’t wait for sunrise.
He had been waiting for this morning for what seemed eternity…
It had, in fact, been two weeks, but that was not the point.
They were leaving. Together. Both of them, alive and restored. They were going to find their own rightful place, somewhere they could claim for their own, without being obligated to others and without asking permission. Far, far away from the military, worries, wars, and painful memories. Parting from their friends was surely going to be sad, but it couldn’t be helped. They needed to leave, in order to gain freedom and their own identity, finally.
It had taken thirteen days to actually decide to leave, plan the journey, convince friends to say goodbye, buy train tickets, and silence Mustang.
Yes, that had been a pain. Mustang didn’t like the words “absolutely definitive life-long retirement” coming from the former Fullmetal Alchemist.
“I’d hoped you could still work for the military, now that you’ve been miraculously rescued… But not only haven’t you grown an inch during your absence, your fighting spirit’s been weakened to the level of a squirrel’s. Pitiful, Fullmetal.”
For the first time in his life, Ed didn’t launch himself to his opponent’s throat; instead he just frowned and raised his chin. Al smiled slightly at that motion.
“Are you running away?” Roy teased.
“Think what you want.” Ed was deadly serious. And that surprised both Alphonse and the Colonel.
Eventually, Roy shrugged. “What do you plan to do from now on?”
“Live.” Ed’s smile was confident.
And Al had thought is brother had finally became an adult.
Not that he didn’t need Al’s protection, though. Being mature was one thing, behaving was another. This time, Al thought, he wasn’t going to make any mistakes. He wouldn’t let Edward bury himself under his oversized guilt-complex, for instance. He just had to handle that, and then… everything else would fall into place. Now was the perfect chance to complete the “process”.
Yes, the process… He liked to think of it as their greatest alchemy. The transmutation of their very lives into something better. The transmutation of their angst into durable happiness.
It wasn’t easy. (Especially the part concerning Ed’s angst.) But…
“If I believe, I will make it. If I have faith in myself… I will make him happy.”
His goal settled, Al wasn’t going to hesitate.
No wonder that he was now writhing in anticipation and unable to sleep, shifting his eyes from the greyish sky to Ed’s sleeping form sprawled untidily beside him, sheets tangled around his legs, naked body shining white in the dark room.
From the mist outside to his brother’s messy hair on the creamy fabric of the pillow, until he became mesmerized by the silvery air of that particular moment between night and dawn, when everything is silent and the smell of dreams lingers. He quietly waited, lost in thoughts.
And morning came, along with a strange, dimmed brightness everywhere. Maybe it was just Al’s eyes clouded by anxiety and joy?
He hurried down the path, shaking his head to clear his vision. When he caught a flash of colour, his spirit rose.
Sparkling in the infamous trademark coat he just recently reclaimed, Edward stood against the panorama, a bloody red smudge on bright green hills, and strode toward the station without a single look back.
Al wondered why he felt a pang in his chest, even knowing that his brother was leaving with him, and not leaving him.
“Get your lazy ass on the train, Al! You’re slow!”
Running up to him, Al apologized timidly, a faint trace of rings under his eyes and a huge suitcase on his back. He still had to carry all the luggage. That was a little unfair, but Al would never complain in a million years. Ed knew it, and Al had the faint suspicion that he was taking advantage of it. “I’m sorry, Brother. I didn’t sleep much.”
All he earned was a smirk from Ed, who leaned forward, grinning. “Now let’s hear why exactly you didn’t sleep last night, huh?”
Al blushed bright red and turned to check his old suitcase, which of course didn’t need any sort of check-up.
Steaming and clattering, the train arrived, its low rumble sending a slight shiver of anticipation, along with a strange sense of solemnity, down both boys’ spines.
The sun played idly on Ed’s golden locks and made the dusty atmosphere of the empty carriage shimmer. Al eyed the figure sitting before him, head reclined and loose braid dangling, swinging along with the train’s rocking. If there was one who should have fallen asleep as soon as he took his place on the train seat, it should’ve, by all rights, been Alphonse. Yet Edward had been faster. He’d bragged a little about something unimportant, wondered why they were the only passengers, declared that if Mustang was trying to trick them he would “SO eat his brain this time,” and had given a huge yawn and fell silent.
Left alone, Alphonse found himself lazily contemplating his brother through half-lidded eyes, his mouth unconsciously shaped into a quiet, content smile.
It had been so easy to integrate the basic concepts of alchemy into his own vision of life.
It wasn’t “eating,” it was “decomposing something I’ve understood, to rebuild it as part of myself.”
It wasn’t “dreaming,” it was “reassembling in strange ways things I’ve seen or thought before.”
And their ultimate task too, the “process” to gain happiness that every human attempts, well… it was just another alchemic transmutation. True, it was even more difficult than human transmutation, if possible; but they were halfway through…
Understanding, decomposing, rebuilding.
And the raw material to transmute was the two of them, their very lives, souls and bodies, lost and regained.
First stage: getting through the mystery of life as a cycle, analysing their own essence and accepting it, both had taken a little time. But understanding each other, and the depths of their bond, ah, that had been ridiculously easy. Understanding means knowing, and they knew everything about each other.
Knew it to the point that, eyes closed, Ed could recall his brother’s body inch by inch, even when that same body was gone, replaced by steel. To the point that Ed could read sadness, concern and happiness just by looking into two hollow holes of a certain armour helmet.
And Alphonse… he could understand his older brother by things so minute, details so small that Ed himself probably wasn’t aware of them. Things unnoticed to others, completely invisible to eyes that didn’t carry unconditional love.
He had slowly mastered the ability to read Edward, even if it had been one of the most frustrating tasks a person could undertake.
Now he could predict what his unpredictable brother was going to say just by looking at how deeply he breathed before speaking.
He could tell what Ed was thinking by the way he curved his shoulders (a mere breath) when he was about to decide something important. He could tell by the way Ed chewed on his lips before he spoke that Ed didn’t want to tell him something. He liked the way he lifted his chin slightly, in challenge, when he had to face something unexpected or someone taller. The way his proud grin cracked invisibly when someone didn’t get his jokes.
(Bad jokes indeed, because Ed had no sense of humour. But Alphonse would always laugh, and Ed’s smile would immediately regain its flashing brightness.)
Because that’s what Al was there for. He firmly believed he was born to understand - and love - his brother. His careless, reckless, conflicted brother… the one he wanted so badly to protect, but also the one he always looked up to. Well, not exactly “up”… He chuckled and dismissed the thought.
And the second stage… well, they didn’t even have to try. “Decomposition” engulfed them all at once. And it hadn’t been exactly pleasant.
Decomposition? Tch! They had been destroyed, in every possible way.
That was enough to consider the second stage cleared, Al decided, trembling slightly.
Third stage had just begun. His brother was back, Al’s was body restored; now all they needed was to start “rebuilding.” The process was close to its end. So close to happiness…
Al indulged in imagining what they would’ve done now, free and alone, travelling towards a strange place where no one knew them.
That simple thought (and, to be honest, some others that followed) was enough to bring a slight shade of pink on his cheeks, and the not-so-innocent grin that crept up on his face wasn’t unnoticed.
“Thinking about lunch, Al?”
Ed’s sleepy voice made him wince a little, snapping him out of his reverie.
“I’m not you, Brother,” he replied, the slightest amusement in his voice.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ed snapped, jumping on his feet.
Al laughed gently and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Ed snorted and fell back on his seat, crossing his arms. A few minutes later, however, he had relaxed, his face calm and reflective. (Quite a rare sight, indeed.) Alphonse pretended to gaze intently out of the carriage window, but even without looking, he could almost feel the warmth of his brother’s gaze on him. It tingled along his skin, like a longing caress, more intimate than any indiscrete touch, yet more comfortable than a chaste hug.
Al shifted slightly, then gave Ed an apologetic smile. “Are you all right, Brother?”
Ed didn’t answer, but the slighty worried look suddenly spreading on his face alerted all Al’s brother-sensors. Alphonse forced himself to wait, refusing to hug him frantically like he actually wanted to.
“Is something wrong?” Alphonse asked quietly. Again, no answer. “Brother. You can tell me. Everything. You know that.”
And Al knew Ed knew, but there was no way he’d tell his brother if Alphonse didn’t insist.
Ed sighed and turned his gaze away, chewing on his lips.
Al caught the signal immediately and grabbed his wrist.
“You are NOT keeping this for yourself, and you’re NOT going to sulk on one of the best days of my life,” he said firmly.
Ed blushed slightly, frustrated for being ordered around: “I’m all right, you idiot!” he replied harshly.
“Please, Brother. Have a little faith in me,” Al simply said, hurt clear in his bronze eyes. Ed fidgeted a little.
“Fine,” he snapped eventually, but there was no heat to the word. He leaned forward, placed both hands on either side of Al’s face and drew him within one-breath’s distance. His lips brushed the other’s as he spoke, voice hushed and hesitant. “I don’t want to wake up, Al. Tell the world to let us sleep.”
“Silly Brother,” Alphonse whispered, “we’re awake. Trust me.”
Ed nodded, a bare shift of his head, still looking a little concerned. Al gave him his best reassuring smile, the one which held all the pure light of his kind soul, and kissed him. His chest narrowed in excitement and love, but also in fear, because happiness always scares those who have sought it for so long.
No more words needed, the carriage fell silent, filled with the faint smell of dreams once broken, now slowly being fixed, if one just dares to have faith in them.
I'm a sucker for happy ends. XD Next time I'll write some bloody, non-con rape just to put things right.Kidding. I'm not good enough to write that. >.>;
kaltia's contest.Title: The Process
Warnings: Spoilers for the end of the series. Lame fluff in the end.
Contest category: 2, long – non smut
Themes: Leaving, Faith.
Word count: 2153.
Thanks to wonderful
chiharu_octavia who beta-ed this and to felflowne who read it first.The Process
To leave everything behind was something they had already done once, sealing their decision in fire and ashes.
They had taken a difficult path, one that brought fear and anxiety, hurt and discomfort.
They'd lost everything. Mother, arms, legs, body.
They had fought to get them back.
Then, so close to their goal, they'd lost again. Memory, alchemy, time and space.
Ed had lost his own world, thrown in a different place he had to slowly adapt to. All alone.
Al had lost his memories, invisible things that maybe an alchemist could create, but which were the very foundations of who he was.
And most importantly, he had lost his brother. In other words, he had lost his own world as well.
But starting from scratch had always been their way, even if had not been their choice.
Fighting his way through the Gate had been hell. Dragging his brother through it had been worse.
But he had won. He had won and now everything was as it was supposed to be. Knowing that he had managed to get his memories, and his Ed, back without giving anything in exchange, was something he would be proud of for the rest of his life.
If he had been Edward, he would have struck a ridiculous victory pose and yelled something along the lines of "Fuck you all, worthless vermin! I DID IT! Touka-koukan my ASS!"
But since he was sweet, kind-natured Alphonse, he just pondered, "I don't know whether equivalent trade exists or not. But they say exceptions prove the rule."
There was plenty of time. Yet, he couldn’t wait for sunrise.
He had been waiting for this morning for what seemed eternity…
It had, in fact, been two weeks, but that was not the point.
They were leaving. Together. Both of them, alive and restored. They were going to find their own rightful place, somewhere they could claim for their own, without being obligated to others and without asking permission. Far, far away from the military, worries, wars, and painful memories. Parting from their friends was surely going to be sad, but it couldn’t be helped. They needed to leave, in order to gain freedom and their own identity, finally.
It had taken thirteen days to actually decide to leave, plan the journey, convince friends to say goodbye, buy train tickets, and silence Mustang.
Yes, that had been a pain. Mustang didn’t like the words “absolutely definitive life-long retirement” coming from the former Fullmetal Alchemist.
“I’d hoped you could still work for the military, now that you’ve been miraculously rescued… But not only haven’t you grown an inch during your absence, your fighting spirit’s been weakened to the level of a squirrel’s. Pitiful, Fullmetal.”
For the first time in his life, Ed didn’t launch himself to his opponent’s throat; instead he just frowned and raised his chin. Al smiled slightly at that motion.
“Are you running away?” Roy teased.
“Think what you want.” Ed was deadly serious. And that surprised both Alphonse and the Colonel.
Eventually, Roy shrugged. “What do you plan to do from now on?”
“Live.” Ed’s smile was confident.
And Al had thought is brother had finally became an adult.
Not that he didn’t need Al’s protection, though. Being mature was one thing, behaving was another. This time, Al thought, he wasn’t going to make any mistakes. He wouldn’t let Edward bury himself under his oversized guilt-complex, for instance. He just had to handle that, and then… everything else would fall into place. Now was the perfect chance to complete the “process”.
Yes, the process… He liked to think of it as their greatest alchemy. The transmutation of their very lives into something better. The transmutation of their angst into durable happiness.
It wasn’t easy. (Especially the part concerning Ed’s angst.) But…
“If I believe, I will make it. If I have faith in myself… I will make him happy.”
His goal settled, Al wasn’t going to hesitate.
No wonder that he was now writhing in anticipation and unable to sleep, shifting his eyes from the greyish sky to Ed’s sleeping form sprawled untidily beside him, sheets tangled around his legs, naked body shining white in the dark room.
From the mist outside to his brother’s messy hair on the creamy fabric of the pillow, until he became mesmerized by the silvery air of that particular moment between night and dawn, when everything is silent and the smell of dreams lingers. He quietly waited, lost in thoughts.
And morning came, along with a strange, dimmed brightness everywhere. Maybe it was just Al’s eyes clouded by anxiety and joy?
He hurried down the path, shaking his head to clear his vision. When he caught a flash of colour, his spirit rose.
Sparkling in the infamous trademark coat he just recently reclaimed, Edward stood against the panorama, a bloody red smudge on bright green hills, and strode toward the station without a single look back.
Al wondered why he felt a pang in his chest, even knowing that his brother was leaving with him, and not leaving him.
“Get your lazy ass on the train, Al! You’re slow!”
Running up to him, Al apologized timidly, a faint trace of rings under his eyes and a huge suitcase on his back. He still had to carry all the luggage. That was a little unfair, but Al would never complain in a million years. Ed knew it, and Al had the faint suspicion that he was taking advantage of it. “I’m sorry, Brother. I didn’t sleep much.”
All he earned was a smirk from Ed, who leaned forward, grinning. “Now let’s hear why exactly you didn’t sleep last night, huh?”
Al blushed bright red and turned to check his old suitcase, which of course didn’t need any sort of check-up.
Steaming and clattering, the train arrived, its low rumble sending a slight shiver of anticipation, along with a strange sense of solemnity, down both boys’ spines.
The sun played idly on Ed’s golden locks and made the dusty atmosphere of the empty carriage shimmer. Al eyed the figure sitting before him, head reclined and loose braid dangling, swinging along with the train’s rocking. If there was one who should have fallen asleep as soon as he took his place on the train seat, it should’ve, by all rights, been Alphonse. Yet Edward had been faster. He’d bragged a little about something unimportant, wondered why they were the only passengers, declared that if Mustang was trying to trick them he would “SO eat his brain this time,” and had given a huge yawn and fell silent.
Left alone, Alphonse found himself lazily contemplating his brother through half-lidded eyes, his mouth unconsciously shaped into a quiet, content smile.
It had been so easy to integrate the basic concepts of alchemy into his own vision of life.
It wasn’t “eating,” it was “decomposing something I’ve understood, to rebuild it as part of myself.”
It wasn’t “dreaming,” it was “reassembling in strange ways things I’ve seen or thought before.”
And their ultimate task too, the “process” to gain happiness that every human attempts, well… it was just another alchemic transmutation. True, it was even more difficult than human transmutation, if possible; but they were halfway through…
Understanding, decomposing, rebuilding.
And the raw material to transmute was the two of them, their very lives, souls and bodies, lost and regained.
First stage: getting through the mystery of life as a cycle, analysing their own essence and accepting it, both had taken a little time. But understanding each other, and the depths of their bond, ah, that had been ridiculously easy. Understanding means knowing, and they knew everything about each other.
Knew it to the point that, eyes closed, Ed could recall his brother’s body inch by inch, even when that same body was gone, replaced by steel. To the point that Ed could read sadness, concern and happiness just by looking into two hollow holes of a certain armour helmet.
And Alphonse… he could understand his older brother by things so minute, details so small that Ed himself probably wasn’t aware of them. Things unnoticed to others, completely invisible to eyes that didn’t carry unconditional love.
He had slowly mastered the ability to read Edward, even if it had been one of the most frustrating tasks a person could undertake.
Now he could predict what his unpredictable brother was going to say just by looking at how deeply he breathed before speaking.
He could tell what Ed was thinking by the way he curved his shoulders (a mere breath) when he was about to decide something important. He could tell by the way Ed chewed on his lips before he spoke that Ed didn’t want to tell him something. He liked the way he lifted his chin slightly, in challenge, when he had to face something unexpected or someone taller. The way his proud grin cracked invisibly when someone didn’t get his jokes.
(Bad jokes indeed, because Ed had no sense of humour. But Alphonse would always laugh, and Ed’s smile would immediately regain its flashing brightness.)
Because that’s what Al was there for. He firmly believed he was born to understand - and love - his brother. His careless, reckless, conflicted brother… the one he wanted so badly to protect, but also the one he always looked up to. Well, not exactly “up”… He chuckled and dismissed the thought.
And the second stage… well, they didn’t even have to try. “Decomposition” engulfed them all at once. And it hadn’t been exactly pleasant.
Decomposition? Tch! They had been destroyed, in every possible way.
That was enough to consider the second stage cleared, Al decided, trembling slightly.
Third stage had just begun. His brother was back, Al’s was body restored; now all they needed was to start “rebuilding.” The process was close to its end. So close to happiness…
Al indulged in imagining what they would’ve done now, free and alone, travelling towards a strange place where no one knew them.
That simple thought (and, to be honest, some others that followed) was enough to bring a slight shade of pink on his cheeks, and the not-so-innocent grin that crept up on his face wasn’t unnoticed.
“Thinking about lunch, Al?”
Ed’s sleepy voice made him wince a little, snapping him out of his reverie.
“I’m not you, Brother,” he replied, the slightest amusement in his voice.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ed snapped, jumping on his feet.
Al laughed gently and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Ed snorted and fell back on his seat, crossing his arms. A few minutes later, however, he had relaxed, his face calm and reflective. (Quite a rare sight, indeed.) Alphonse pretended to gaze intently out of the carriage window, but even without looking, he could almost feel the warmth of his brother’s gaze on him. It tingled along his skin, like a longing caress, more intimate than any indiscrete touch, yet more comfortable than a chaste hug.
Al shifted slightly, then gave Ed an apologetic smile. “Are you all right, Brother?”
Ed didn’t answer, but the slighty worried look suddenly spreading on his face alerted all Al’s brother-sensors. Alphonse forced himself to wait, refusing to hug him frantically like he actually wanted to.
“Is something wrong?” Alphonse asked quietly. Again, no answer. “Brother. You can tell me. Everything. You know that.”
And Al knew Ed knew, but there was no way he’d tell his brother if Alphonse didn’t insist.
Ed sighed and turned his gaze away, chewing on his lips.
Al caught the signal immediately and grabbed his wrist.
“You are NOT keeping this for yourself, and you’re NOT going to sulk on one of the best days of my life,” he said firmly.
Ed blushed slightly, frustrated for being ordered around: “I’m all right, you idiot!” he replied harshly.
“Please, Brother. Have a little faith in me,” Al simply said, hurt clear in his bronze eyes. Ed fidgeted a little.
“Fine,” he snapped eventually, but there was no heat to the word. He leaned forward, placed both hands on either side of Al’s face and drew him within one-breath’s distance. His lips brushed the other’s as he spoke, voice hushed and hesitant. “I don’t want to wake up, Al. Tell the world to let us sleep.”
“Silly Brother,” Alphonse whispered, “we’re awake. Trust me.”
Ed nodded, a bare shift of his head, still looking a little concerned. Al gave him his best reassuring smile, the one which held all the pure light of his kind soul, and kissed him. His chest narrowed in excitement and love, but also in fear, because happiness always scares those who have sought it for so long.
No more words needed, the carriage fell silent, filled with the faint smell of dreams once broken, now slowly being fixed, if one just dares to have faith in them.
I'm a sucker for happy ends. XD Next time I'll write some bloody, non-con rape just to put things right.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-23 06:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-23 09:10 pm (UTC)ifwhen I'll write more. XD(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 04:18 am (UTC)Wonderful, wonderful stuff. *loves on you*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 12:24 pm (UTC)I received a compliment by my favourite elricest writer EVAR *___*!?
Now I can simply die of happiness. *dies*
(Btw, really, really thank you. This means so much to me! ^__^)
*loves you back with all her heart XD*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-02 05:43 am (UTC)I'm aware that this is not constructive feedback whatsoever, but I fangirl this fic like whoa >=O Amazing work; definitely continue writing ^^
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-02 09:45 pm (UTC)You know, I stayed up till 5 AM to fix this thing. Writing directly in English (without previous Italian text) is such a pain! X_x
But.. thank you so much for your comment! <3
*yatta for Al!love fics*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 12:50 pm (UTC)Who's a sucking-ass writer? not you! >_> I wish I could write like this ;_;
That's perfect~~
I love your writing style, and Gawd, fluff for win XD!!!
And, I love the idea of comparing the alchemy process to their lifes ^^
and the end is w h o a *_*.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE A CIRCLE WITH MEH XDDDD >_>! Be my Nono Inukai ;o;
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 01:10 pm (UTC)Let me express all my love! *glomps and molests*
*some more*
*and some more*
OMG lol. A circle with *me* would be A DISASTER.
But I agree entusiasthically. ^_^ ♥♥♥(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 04:21 pm (UTC)*is glomped*
*is molested*
*and more*
*and more*
tsss~~~ let me decide of it, I said you=meh Nono Inukai *_* (is kinda seme today XD)
kyaaaaaah~~ niceeee >3< *dunno how to name it XD*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 04:34 pm (UTC)I suspect we won't produce much, you know... But let's try. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 06:53 pm (UTC)but still XD In the name of love XO!!!! *is so excited it hurts*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-17 07:43 pm (UTC)Except HeiEd.XDThat's ok. ♥